Old Streets and Sidewalks

I live in Jerome, Illinois, but I work in Springfield, Illinois. I do most of my driving through the streets of "Old Springfield". I must admit I usually take a route which takes me through many of the old neighborhoods I know from my childhood.

Sometimes I feel a bit sad when I notice how little has changed in many of these "hoods", but usually I feel just the opposite. I drive past the church I attended as a youth, my old elementary school. I drive past many of the same businesses I know from childhood - some open, some not.

One thing I always look for are older stretches of sidewalk, or streets.

Asphalt is a best a temporary covering. It looks nice for a a few years, but it simply doesn't last.
Cement, and brick are incredible. Many of the sidewalks I see that are made of cement look as if they have been in place for half a century or more, and some of the few streets made from cement have also managed to last that long.

One thing I felt odd about was driving down the alley way which ran parallel behind my childhood street. I noticed that after decades of asphalt overlays that the alley which was once even with the yards along it was now several feet above those yards.

Also, there are the rare old fences which have somehow managed to survive the many decades since my youth.

And finally, the trees. Incredible trees of my childhood still stand, and each one brings back a rush of memories. Not all have survived, but many have, and I wonder for how much longer those ancient life forms will last. Just to see them, and to know that they may outlast me is actually of comfort to me.

I guess I'm looking for the comfort in finding proof, and clues of my youth.

I guess I'm getting to feel like a time traveler of sorts.

Then there is New Springfield. I know that many of its residents have no link to Old Springfield. They are busy living their sterile lives in their treeless neighborhoods - hoods where houses look all the same - where nothing dirty as an alley would ever be considered. Hoods where a short drive to the sterile corporate parking lots of CVS, Walgreens, Blockbuster, and Sonic, provide little in the way for children of this generation to call their own. In those hoods the streets are paved with asphalt.

Dead Like Me Now On Hulu

After my mother died several years ago I went through a period of grieving. I don't really see grieving as an either-or experience, instead I see it as a continuum of grief. So for example right now I am still grieving to some extent for my mother, and even my father who died long ago.

Anyway in the months after my mother died I was very definitely finding the subject of death much more interesting than I had before. The whole idea of mortality, or maybe I should say, my own mortality, and the mortality of everyone I know and care about became a tangible and persistent presence in my mind.

I guess if I had been an overwhelmingly religious person I would have sought shelter deep within my religious faith, or if I had been a drug or alcohol abuser perhaps I would have sunk within a bottle of booze for solace, but instead I found some measure of relief in some of the few television programs available which dealt with the subject of death and grieving.

One series, which I liked a great deal, is a funny, and yet thought provoking series titled Dead Like Me.

I could stand to watch it not long after my mother's death because it was funny, and yet it also somehow touched repeatedly upon the meaning of life, mortality, death, and grieving.

I've wanted to buy the DVD set, but due to chronic poverty I haven't seriously considered that an option, however, I am pleased to have discovered the series is available on Hulu.Com.

And so I have spent many hours of this long nearly four day Fourth of July weekend watching episodes of Dead Like Me.

While I'm less emotional about the subject than I was shortly after my mother's death I can say that I still find the series to be as incredibly good as I felt it was then, and so I am highly recommending it to anyone who chances across this blog post.

Ed McMahon Dead

God? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrreeeeesss Ed!

Ed McMahon Died. My earliest recollection of Ed McMahon was feeling sorry for him. I was a young boy, and I would briefly listen to portions of the Johnny Carson Show, and I would hear how Johnny would make jokes at Ed McMahon's expense, and the crowd would roar with laughter, and I would wonder if Ed McMahon really was a drunk, and if so, why he laughed along with Johnny Carson's comments.

Little did I know that jokes were jokes, and that each was an incredible compliment - I didn't understand the low key comedy routine which Johhny Carson, and Ed McMahon would play out Monday through Friday - I was simply too young.

As years passed I began to understand more and more of the adult world, the world of sophistication, of smoking, drinking, naughty jokes, and Hollywood from watching Johnny Carson, and Ed McMahon. It was a show that seemed at its peak just when I was growing sophisticated enough to understand.

Yet I grew tired of the Carson show as I entered into young adulthood - waiting instead to watch David Letterman, who at the time was the new kid on the NBC late night block.

I'd rarely watch The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson thinking it was boring, and it probably was, yet I did tune in to watch the last show, and I felt sad that the party had come to an end.

I'd see Ed McMahon on Bloopers, and other shows from time to time, and he was always good on whatever I saw him on, but I can't claim I ever watched a show because he was on - and that is the role of the sidekick - to be there, and be square.

I recently watched him on an interview with Larry King, and I felt sad for him, as he was facing the loss of his mansion, but a part of me thought he was being exploited by his various ex-spouses, and his children.

Still I had a great deal of respect for this man as he was still working in whatever capacity he could, even with a broken neck.

I'll always rememeber your Alpo Commercials Ed - you were funny as hell - They just don't make them like you anymore - Hi Yo!

Farrah Fawcett Dead

Farrah Fawcett was a very beautiful woman.

My brother had her famous 1970s poster adorning his bedroom wall as a teenager, and I was always envious that I didn't have one.

The first time I saw Farrah Fawcett was in the Fox Movie Theater in Town and Country Shopping Center on Macarthur Blvd., in Springfield, Illinois. She appeared in the movie Logan's Run.

I was totally attracted to her, although at that age I wasn't entirely sure what those feelings meant, but I knew I wanted more.

Yet, by the peak of her stardom I wasn't interested. I never really like Charlie's Angels.
It was in her post Angel's roles where I realized she was a fine actress.

The last time I saw Farrah Fawcett was in her documentary Farrah's Story. I felt so heart broken for her. God I hate Cancer. Poor baby. May you rest in peace Farrah.

Michael Jackson Dead

Michael Jackson Is Dead

You know I never thought I'd be blogging about the death of Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson seems so unreal to me that it is hard to believe that he could die.


Michael Jackson The Performer

In Michael Jackson's defense he was an incredible performer. From his singing, to his dancing, to his creation of a bigger than life persona, he just never failed to thrill.

His hit songs defined the sound of popular music for years upon end, and he provided tabloids, and comedians with a vast amount of material to sell to a curious public.

He managed to make some incredible music videos which seem more like short films, and he was able to perform at the highest levels of perfection in front of audiences of tens of thousands.

Yet, having said all these positive things about Michael Jackson I must also say that he was an odd man. I don't mean that in a bad way. We common folk need our bigger than life performers to be able to rise above mediocrity - we need them to be able to say - what we can not. Yet Michael was odd in several disturbing ways that slowly eroded whatever chance he had to be revered by the mass public.


Michael Jackson The Child Molesting Freak

The oddest thing about Michael Jackson was his pederasty. He admitted to sleeping with boys, and he paid many of their families off to keep them from sending him to jail for molesting their children.

Michael Jackson never wanted to grow up, and unlike most people he had the means to avoid doing so.

One of those means was surgery. Not only did Michael Jackson die his skin white, but he also spent his life pursuing, through plastic surgery, a form of physical beauty. One could never predict exactly how Michael Jackson would look.


Michael Jackson The Mortal

And now he is dead. As I watch the television coverage on CNN I hear speculation that he died of a heart attack brought about by an overdose of prescription medication. If this is true it seems only fitting. He was a very lonely, and unhappy man who feared growing up, and growing old, more than he feared death.

Still, I feel a bit awkward watching how another unhappy star has either deliberately, or accidentally ended their own life. I keep thinking of what I would have done with all the money Mr. Jackson is said to have wasted. And now, like the money, fame, and admiration, which he burned through Michael burned through life.

One observation I wanted to include in this post is that I turned on my radio, not satellite radio, and I listened to the broadcast of dozens of stations looking for one which might be playing Michael Jackson songs as a tribute, and I found not one - not one station playing his songs on air.
What appeared to us in the beginning as a rising star long ago burnt out, and only the charred remains exist now for our fascination.

Brother's New House

Went to visit my brother today at his new home. Very nice indeed. Plenty of space to expand.

It's amazing how when you move into a larger place that the first thing you feel you must do is fill it up with expensive stuff. You'll have years of work ahead of you bro - which is half the fun.

And to update my last post I did actually go out for dinner with my daughter this Father's Day.

Father-Daughter Day Disappointment

It isn't a shock that my step daughter chose not to take me out for lunch as we had planned.
It isn't a shock that my step daughter chose not to take me out to see a movie as we had planned.

Last night when she drunkenly warned me that if I forced her to pay her mother back the cigarette and gas money she borrowed that she wouldn't have enough money for father's day I knew all of her promises were just that.

Instead she'll be buying booze, pot, fast food, and clothes for herself.

But that comes as no surprise.

Psst.., in the meantime since I have the day off, I plan to sneak over to a restaurant and have a meal alone.

I'll have to take all the non stop screaming and cussing which will come from my wife about how irresponsible I am when she discovers my horrible crime.

You see, that money, which I earned, is being held by my wife so she can loan it out to my step daughter for cigs, and booze.